Soul in 'soldier on'?

Soldier on.. to continue to do something in a determined way, even when the odds are against you..When there is a WANTED poster with your face on it and there is an objective to break you and to take down all your resources, it takes strong walls to resist, strong mind and courage to surpass fear..that crippling fear..the fear that tells you to let everything go, leave the thing you care about down and, if it succeeds, leaves with the aftermath..

What about the soul in all this? The 'feels'..The fuel that makes you react in an unusual way (according to this tampered world)..what about that rich essence in each and one of us..the gift from our Almighty Father that is, sadly, voluntarily hidden..why is being broken = weakness?..why there is the need to fix someone with their walls more or less shaken..less in a supporting, holding up way and more in a superior, 'I am at the upper level' way?..why the need to make yourself feel better by making another one less..overcompensating for your own mistakes by pointing out the ones in another one..to the point of destruction...which only results in separation...to be so self-centered that you see only your own plans and your own wishes..and to feel so disappointed when the person with whom those plans were to be..is concerned with this own overwhelming struggle and sees nothing but the struggle..to the point of being more that irritated..not because of what that person did to you, but because of your wishes not coming true..unfortunately, in these cases, there is no GOOD in GOODbye and because of the trUSt gone..neither is the US.

All of the people I meet, seem like they all are fine..I hope and I know that their hearts are like mine.. 
I can not do without the soul..I need to feel and I'm not afraid to be broken..I have been there, learned what I had to learn and embraced it (embraced my weirdness and quirkiness as well)..we are all broken..we all have struggles..we all need His grace and neither of us deserve it..I want for us to feel for another, I want for us to be more selfless and more aware and in awe of the glorious invested in the children of the One True King...In my brokenness, I want to be sent..I want to be courageous in front of terrifying odds..I want to stand my ground and be a fortress for my comrades in battle..We were made for this..

'There is no need to be perfect to inspire others, let people get inspired by how you deal with your imperfections'

-I don't know-

For·tress - \ˈfȯr-trəs\

: a place that is protected against attack : a fortified place
: a fortified place :  stronghold; especially :  a large and permanent fortification

What is it to you? shelter, a place of refuge, a place of less attack..whatever it is.. it applies to all..Is that place where you gather your pieces and form them back together, where you crave and you get peace and quiet..safe from harm...Call the doctor! I have a case of the feels!..oh, wait..

I do not know squat about engineering..really, really awful..but it is not the building that I am tête-à-tête-ing about..I feel a bit too 'out of the box'-ish today..but, bare with me..

I do not know how people see me, I only know how I see me..I might be loud (probably to the point of obnoxious) when I need to be quiet and I might be quiet when I should be loud...I might be too trustful when I should be more aware and I might be too on the surface, too 'not too deep' when I should trust...my God has given me an amazing gift..joy..and stubbornness (I guess..these two combined make a ball of obnoxiousness..but that has never stopped me)..

Do you know that awesome feeling when you meet someone and you instantly know This is a person after my own heart!.. I realized..again..after great life experience (a few years..so, this has to be groundbreaking!) that there is so much fulfillment in quality, not quantity..Quantity is great in relationships..it boasts your self-esteem, it makes you feel important, it eliminates boredom..but these are superficial and slippery. Quality..now, that is hard..although I think I am a people person, a people pleaser (yeah, I know..)..I did not have a human to which I can pour everything, and I needed one..Deep, meaningful relationships demand vulnerability..and that means surpassing defensive barriers, overcoming the fright of revealing yourself as you are..fragile, weak or weakened, sinful,..I searched and found some amazing blessings in human form. I think meeting someone with the same mindset as you is rare..so, if you have that friend..hold on! 

I had to go through some hardship and my fortress crumbled down and became defenseless..by the grace of God, the walls are recovering..but He empowered strong fortresses around me to get back the crumbling pieces and build back (and y'all know who you are and I am beyond grateful and appreciative of every word..both of encouragement and delicate reprimand) I am not perfect, I make mistakes, I hurt people..but when I say I'm sorry, I actually mean..I wasn't made for rivalry..I really can NOT take on this world alone..Actually, I do not understand rivalry..why dish on each other when we are called to be brothers and sisters?..Why the need to build your walls higher when we know there is no one greater that the other?..just for a name? for recognition?..So temporary..and useless. Why not be the wheels, not the track..be the one that does the work, be the one that initiates a friendship..and work on it, make it that awesome 5 star quality relationship..it will only benefit, be the one that stands still, that does what he has to do gratefully..for the true, real reason he is meant (to bring glory to God in anything and everything)..and Be quick to laugh! (to quote from a great inspiration of mine - 'Sometimes me thinks..What is a friend? And then me say..Friend is someone to share last cookie with'  -The Cookie Monster)

My walls are recovering..and the new design is better 
 - I don't know-

I might know some stuff..

The reason for this might be to rant, but no..I have loads of things to say..this is what I constantly tell myself and the reason might be this, that I can post those loads in an untempered, safe and clean environment..on the internet..crazy, huh?..there is no other place than the web to post your most precious secrets, feelings.. My middle name is Sarcasm..spelled a-d-r-i-a-n..But still, vulnerability is the path to great connection..between humans (I know human sound impersonal, but I like the term..so deal..), connection with God (which is the most important, because from this we get our strength to deal and manage with daily trouble)..that is what I learned during my life long life experience..just ask my three gray hairs..
 
The Blog is titled Hello, my name is ..because even if I am unworthy identified as a child of the one true King I am still finding myself, still figuring out where I fit, understanding what are my best attributes and on what I have to work. I appreciate each and every interaction, word, hint.. that had showed me my flaws, so I can work on making myself a better person. This is getting out of hand, into a pit called Seriousness (which is good, but I am a jolly *british accent* person..and what I said sounds, probably, a bit too fancy.. 

  -I don't know..- (I end it with this.. I do not consider myself an opinionated person, so..the 'I don't know' at the end of the post is my way of saying that I am imperfect, I do not have a lot of answers and I don't ever know..most of the stuff)..So..

  -I don't know-