Patient Wolf.

Wolves - Magnificent creatures, big paws, strong jaws, intelligent eyes, smart, muscled, frightening yet caring..A wolf body is made for chasing large animals and bringing them down. To do this, they have the excellent senses of how to bring them down..muscles and long legs for fast running, as well as, very strong teeth for holding prey..so, ferocious and cunning..territorial and protective..if another pack enters their territory the alphas will fight untill one dies, they best work as a group ..protected..by the pack..stealthy, beautiful, brave..in how they act, in their moves, they will give their lives for the pack and their pups..curious..in exploring, finding new areas, new places..loving..love as a family between packs..sometimes, misunderstood and lonely..

Like a community sing, a howl is a happy occasion..Wolves love to howl..when it is started, they instantly seek contact with one another, troop together, fur to fur. Some wolves will run from any distance, panting and bright-eyed, to join in, uttering, as they near, jaws wide, hardly able to wait to sing..

Needless to say that, because of the display of traits, the wolf is on the 1st place as my favorite animal..I've heard a comparison saying that a Gentleman is like a wolf..a patient wolf..that calmly interacts and intelligently acts, trusting instincts and in spite of instincts and has a certain dignity, nobility in everything he does..Cunning, but caring, aware of himself and the ones around him, of how he treats others and how others treat him, protective of himself, his family and his brothers and sisters, brave, a great and trustworthy comrade, curious, adventurous, willing to explore and find what is best for him and, selflessly, for others..howling side by side with one another..celebrating the victories of one another, the sorrow of one another and loving one another like self..

I resolute to become more calculated, to be calm, quiet, patient; show a healthy aggression, but witty when confrontated or in conflict, to protect who and what I care for, to be courageous to take ricks, to step out of comfort, to become and see myself as trustworthy, to be a brother, a fortress, to be kind, willing to help, to build up, to hold doors and say thank you..

I was thinking of what advices could I take and what could I learn from these magnificent creatures..and this is what I got..
Trust your instincts, Keep your 'den' clean, Stand fur what you believe, Stay on track, Howl with your brothers, Pack life with good memories, Be a leader.

-I don't know-  

Joy, Joy, Joy

Joy has dawned upon the world,
Promised from creation,
God's salvation now unfurled,
Hope for every nation.

Not with fanfares from above,
Not with scenes of glory,
But the humble gift of love,
Jesus born of Mary.

Sounds of wonder fll the sky,
With the songs of angels,
As the mighty Prince of Life,
Shelters in the stable.

Hands that set each star in place,
Shaped the earth in darkness,
Cling now to a mother's breast,
Vuln rable and helpless

Shepherds bow before the Lamb,
Gazing at the glory;
Ghifts of men from distant lands
Prophesy the story.

Gold-a King is born today,
Incense-God is with us,
Myrrh-His death will make a way,
And by His blood He'll win us.

Son of Adam, Son of Heaven,
Given as a ransom;
Reconciling God and man,
Christ, our mighty champion!
What a Savior! What a Friend!
What a glorious myst'ry!
One a babe in Bethlehem,
Now the Lord of hist'ry.


Christmas Eve..

Above the giving and receiving of presents and the possible massive ingestion of food and sweets, the irish carols singing and the apple-cinnamon pie and tangerines scent..our true reason for our joyful hearts is the birth of our Lord Jesus Christ and I want nothing than to be in constant thankfulness for the blessing of being in His Hands, what He has done in spite of what I've done, for the promises He gave us for this life and for the ones about our home beyond the skies for which we are so longing..I'll bend my unworthy keens at the humble stable and welcome you, my Savior, my King, my Light, my Friend..

No safety nets

    
For some reason I started feeling old..I'm not talking about experience, which is definitely lacking..or wisdom (in the clever words of Joey Tribianni "I am pretty wisdomous"..this, of course, ain't a word..just a ingenious wordplay to combine the gray wisdom with the colorful childishness)..I feel like there are things that are getting out of my hands..it is true that, to some extent, I need control and it might be the worry that I'm not completely or a bit.. having it, but I see that the world is spinning fast and everybody is going along..except for a few exceptions..in our, if not complete, stillness..

I see that many are fighting and struggling to fulfill wishes, to gain favors and validation, to win/gain/obtain a special item, propriety or one..Should I consider this attitude flawed? Nope, is the aggression that bothers me..bothers?..neeah, see it as pitiful and good mocking material, even though I'm not a stranger sometimes and in some areas of my daily scramble..I still can not write 'Spur-of-the-Moment' on my name tag, nor do I want to or recommend

Interactions and wishes of close interactions with humans is where it gets interesting..I appreciate a person that is joyful and has a great sense of humor, but those that are in need..fast.. of achieving that desired purpose just show how selfish, ignorant and careless they are..I might be too rough..but it's tough love..What I've seen and bamboozles me is the way some of the 46 XY (intentionally put first) and some of the 46 XX ones seek desperately someone to 'more than befriend' as to fill the gap..which might be loneliness, fear, full range of issues, social pressure ..especially growing up in an christian-penticostal environment, for which I am so thankful and for sure blessed,  where you are pushed from behind to get into a relationship and marry fast and deal with later..just because most do it..is then that the way to go?..My opinion is nay..

Sure, you may say..'I found the one..why wait?'..Well, have you considered, reconsidered?.. have you thought of the Cause and Effect?..what is really at the foundation of your feels, your actions?..are long thought for and certain feelings or just bursts of emotions and hormones?..have you considered that what decisions you make will benefit or slow your potential, reduce your happiness and possibly lead to ruin..Yesterday's certainty can be today's regret...'I am mature enough or I'll cross every bridge when I get to it'..Hmm..Spontaneity is cool..but, In my opinion a marriage or a relationship, for that matter, is the union of 2 gift from God..it takes maturity to understand that, to put the right value on to yourself and demand more than 'well see'..'I have the resources to start a family'..I've heard this so many times..Financially independent and stable..so, achtung, fertig, los!..pff..you'll walk for a while and then trip..nothing is secure, other than His promises (which are enough) and the daily Big Tasty..It seems like it's the objective of finding the right person or finacial need and desires that are put in the first row, not experience, character building, seeking and finding your gift, the value in you and the path that God has embroidered to use you..Be still, talk, speak, laugh, take your time to experience great friends, experience pain, sorrow, losses, heartbreak..it's all for the build up..

Hmm...The older I get, the more I want to treat these things wisely and carefully think, act, invest in others, trust others, spend my time..interaction involves rick and there are no safety nets..it's either building up or falling down

 -I don't know-

Soul in 'soldier on'?

Soldier on.. to continue to do something in a determined way, even when the odds are against you..When there is a WANTED poster with your face on it and there is an objective to break you and to take down all your resources, it takes strong walls to resist, strong mind and courage to surpass fear..that crippling fear..the fear that tells you to let everything go, leave the thing you care about down and, if it succeeds, leaves with the aftermath..

What about the soul in all this? The 'feels'..The fuel that makes you react in an unusual way (according to this tampered world)..what about that rich essence in each and one of us..the gift from our Almighty Father that is, sadly, voluntarily hidden..why is being broken = weakness?..why there is the need to fix someone with their walls more or less shaken..less in a supporting, holding up way and more in a superior, 'I am at the upper level' way?..why the need to make yourself feel better by making another one less..overcompensating for your own mistakes by pointing out the ones in another one..to the point of destruction...which only results in separation...to be so self-centered that you see only your own plans and your own wishes..and to feel so disappointed when the person with whom those plans were to be..is concerned with this own overwhelming struggle and sees nothing but the struggle..to the point of being more that irritated..not because of what that person did to you, but because of your wishes not coming true..unfortunately, in these cases, there is no GOOD in GOODbye and because of the trUSt gone..neither is the US.

All of the people I meet, seem like they all are fine..I hope and I know that their hearts are like mine.. 
I can not do without the soul..I need to feel and I'm not afraid to be broken..I have been there, learned what I had to learn and embraced it (embraced my weirdness and quirkiness as well)..we are all broken..we all have struggles..we all need His grace and neither of us deserve it..I want for us to feel for another, I want for us to be more selfless and more aware and in awe of the glorious invested in the children of the One True King...In my brokenness, I want to be sent..I want to be courageous in front of terrifying odds..I want to stand my ground and be a fortress for my comrades in battle..We were made for this..

'There is no need to be perfect to inspire others, let people get inspired by how you deal with your imperfections'

-I don't know-

For·tress - \ˈfȯr-trəs\

: a place that is protected against attack : a fortified place
: a fortified place :  stronghold; especially :  a large and permanent fortification

What is it to you? shelter, a place of refuge, a place of less attack..whatever it is.. it applies to all..Is that place where you gather your pieces and form them back together, where you crave and you get peace and quiet..safe from harm...Call the doctor! I have a case of the feels!..oh, wait..

I do not know squat about engineering..really, really awful..but it is not the building that I am tête-à-tête-ing about..I feel a bit too 'out of the box'-ish today..but, bare with me..

I do not know how people see me, I only know how I see me..I might be loud (probably to the point of obnoxious) when I need to be quiet and I might be quiet when I should be loud...I might be too trustful when I should be more aware and I might be too on the surface, too 'not too deep' when I should trust...my God has given me an amazing gift..joy..and stubbornness (I guess..these two combined make a ball of obnoxiousness..but that has never stopped me)..

Do you know that awesome feeling when you meet someone and you instantly know This is a person after my own heart!.. I realized..again..after great life experience (a few years..so, this has to be groundbreaking!) that there is so much fulfillment in quality, not quantity..Quantity is great in relationships..it boasts your self-esteem, it makes you feel important, it eliminates boredom..but these are superficial and slippery. Quality..now, that is hard..although I think I am a people person, a people pleaser (yeah, I know..)..I did not have a human to which I can pour everything, and I needed one..Deep, meaningful relationships demand vulnerability..and that means surpassing defensive barriers, overcoming the fright of revealing yourself as you are..fragile, weak or weakened, sinful,..I searched and found some amazing blessings in human form. I think meeting someone with the same mindset as you is rare..so, if you have that friend..hold on! 

I had to go through some hardship and my fortress crumbled down and became defenseless..by the grace of God, the walls are recovering..but He empowered strong fortresses around me to get back the crumbling pieces and build back (and y'all know who you are and I am beyond grateful and appreciative of every word..both of encouragement and delicate reprimand) I am not perfect, I make mistakes, I hurt people..but when I say I'm sorry, I actually mean..I wasn't made for rivalry..I really can NOT take on this world alone..Actually, I do not understand rivalry..why dish on each other when we are called to be brothers and sisters?..Why the need to build your walls higher when we know there is no one greater that the other?..just for a name? for recognition?..So temporary..and useless. Why not be the wheels, not the track..be the one that does the work, be the one that initiates a friendship..and work on it, make it that awesome 5 star quality relationship..it will only benefit, be the one that stands still, that does what he has to do gratefully..for the true, real reason he is meant (to bring glory to God in anything and everything)..and Be quick to laugh! (to quote from a great inspiration of mine - 'Sometimes me thinks..What is a friend? And then me say..Friend is someone to share last cookie with'  -The Cookie Monster)

My walls are recovering..and the new design is better 
 - I don't know-

I might know some stuff..

The reason for this might be to rant, but no..I have loads of things to say..this is what I constantly tell myself and the reason might be this, that I can post those loads in an untempered, safe and clean environment..on the internet..crazy, huh?..there is no other place than the web to post your most precious secrets, feelings.. My middle name is Sarcasm..spelled a-d-r-i-a-n..But still, vulnerability is the path to great connection..between humans (I know human sound impersonal, but I like the term..so deal..), connection with God (which is the most important, because from this we get our strength to deal and manage with daily trouble)..that is what I learned during my life long life experience..just ask my three gray hairs..
 
The Blog is titled Hello, my name is ..because even if I am unworthy identified as a child of the one true King I am still finding myself, still figuring out where I fit, understanding what are my best attributes and on what I have to work. I appreciate each and every interaction, word, hint.. that had showed me my flaws, so I can work on making myself a better person. This is getting out of hand, into a pit called Seriousness (which is good, but I am a jolly *british accent* person..and what I said sounds, probably, a bit too fancy.. 

  -I don't know..- (I end it with this.. I do not consider myself an opinionated person, so..the 'I don't know' at the end of the post is my way of saying that I am imperfect, I do not have a lot of answers and I don't ever know..most of the stuff)..So..

  -I don't know-